Wednesday, March 14, 2007

disconnected things

I find it extremely annoying that I am so easily swayed by sob stories. It is just so easy to get me listening to a story of how you had ten kids, out of whom four are dead; and of the remaining none does a thing for their mother; and how your sister, on the other hand, has three daughters, all of whom are successful, and actually refused to get married so they could work and pay for an operation for their mother, who had lung cancer... yes, well. I pay rather more attention when people talk than I should, I think. It's just that it's rude not to give your complete attention to a person's performance, don't you think? And then I feel guilty for having listened to the entire thing and not helping because I'm just too selfish.
I just can't win in this world.

Meanwhile, all Transport is Trauma. Came home in the bus today, and the bag was heavily laden (oh! oh! new books! new! okay tell you later) and very painful to hang on the shoulder while awkwardly positioned in the midst of tired fat ladies. Hence I asked some girl to hold the bag for me. And spent the entire rest of the ride trying to keep an eye on the bag over shoulders and between chunnis and under arms. Sigh, paranoia.
I want to be able to trust strangers. And be justified.

Also managed to Stare a Boy Down while walking home from the bus stop post-paranoia. Was walking along all self-aware and such; keeping a wary corner of the eye out for undesirable elements (such as men) on the dark empty streets. Passed a gang of college-type boys while I was strutting my stuff (^-^), and naturally one of them started humming something at the back of my head all filmi-style. So I stopped and looked at him. That's all I did, just looked. Didn't ask him to shut up, or stop, or what he was doing. I just stopped and looked him in the eye.
Isn't it odd what confrontation does to a person?
One of these days I'm going to get myself into something I can't get out of.

For some reason I seem to get very 'xasperated when I fail at male-type actions. e.g. starting a bike, in front of boys. It irks me to imagine them going, "Oh, a girl". It IRKS ME, I say. I'm not a fan of damsel in distress unless it's emotional, I think. That's just so romantic, I think. Plus it works both ways.

You know what's awful? Laughing at a cruel joke someone makes just so you don't rock the boat, that's what. Agreeing with someone just so that you aren't put to the trouble of defending your own personal opinion. Where do you draw lines, after all? People's opinions are their own, right? And laughing at someone's accent, or clothing, or hair, or makeup, or height... it's just human nature, right?

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