Thursday, December 25, 2008

festivus presenting!

Boys and girls! A blog award! Wooo.
This award is given to a blog that invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

How utterly delightful. I must thank this charming person for thinking me worthy, even if the reason had to do with my personal charm rather than that of this blog. Hugs, AP! You are the best, muah.

The eight bloggers I would select for this award? I fear any list of mine would comprise defunct blogs, or ones dangerously close, or ones that are no longer open to the general public. Latigo? Iz? The One? MJ? Sad, sad, sad.
I will think about it, and think about it, and return to blogland, find the old friends and write about it. Yes? Yes.

Nearness in space, time and relationships. The boyfriend (ooh, smooth. see how smoothly slipped in that was. hort, hort. details may or may not be forthcoming.) does not do the internet thing. He only stops by here to use it as a tool. A TOOL I ASK YOU. The interwebs as a pure tool?? Horrors. At least I have done my duty and introduced him to one two three.
I think he might actually read the blog sometime in the near future, that is if
a. He remembers to ask me for the address
b. I remember and actually tell him
He is delightfully, woefully forgetful. It makes me feel utterly superior much of the time, which is a healthy and painless way to keep me around, please mind it.

But to return to the "internet thing"? The two and three-separate-thirds people whom I have fancied myself fancying (and the one whom I really did fancy, oh badly badly!) were all introduced to me through blogs - directly or indirectly. Isn't that pretty?
Orkut Büyükkökten on Sunday had a number of graphs showing how people he knew met other people whom other people he knew knew and all fell in love and got married and later asked him to autograph photographs (pretty!) of their babies but we didn't get to see a single one of those graphs because someone was too stupid to figure out that one of the screens should have been tuned to his laptop until the presentation was nearly over, sigh. (and this at an IIT! i despair of the future, i tell you) All we could see was him saying, and then Tim met Alice and they fell in love and they got married and then Susan knew Ed who was in the same class as Roger and whose brother was Eric and etc etc (apologies for the nonsense, which is all my own).
He has a very charming smile, though, Mr. Büyükkökten does.

So many things!
It is Festivus. The Cat, whom I will probably never be over entirely,(and whom I might actually meet today for the first time omg omg omg), introduced me to it, but it will be the boyfriend who will be *ahem* "learning me good" about that and the other delights that the world of Seinfeld has to offer a n00b like me.

Happiness evidently does not induce writer's block.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


It never rains, etc.

In this one year I have
1. Lost a wallet, a pencil-case, a phone (my phone! my god! *sob*) and my mind
2. Shelled out Rs. 16000 to pay for damages to a car I ran into after two point five years of flawless and only-mildly-cursed-at driving
3. Spent every last paisa I earned at a job I waver between finding moderately interesting and hating with a passion
4. Spent hours and money at hospitals all over the place to no benefit, nearly. yay.


On the other hand, I said, "Will you go out with me?" and he said "Sure! When and where?"
He would have given me until January, apparently. :)
woo. hort.

Monday, December 15, 2008

a domestic mind

I have begun neglecting the T - not in an I don't have time for you now why don't you go play there's a good child sort of way but rather in blanks and absences - the way one is supposed to let go of imaginary friends. I am forgetting what I used to think she was.
I suppose this is good in a small twisted way, because most of the things she thought and felt I find I let myself feel without proxy.

I am I.
It is a new way for me to be: to be me.
Me to be me.

I think perhaps I have always been myself, only - selectively and in bits and pieces; and that is not bad, not bad precisely, just less than healthy. To split myself up into seven blogs speaks not so much of a desire for order and control (which it is, you know, mostly it is. the question is not "why do i categorize", but "how do i choose to categorize", and the answer to that tells much) as of a need to feel all I feel in parts; in manageable doses.
(worlds collide. i know half a dozen people i love who will know what that means. isn't a sally shared a splendid thing?)

I am happy again. Happy in that painful-feeling-in-the-chest feeling-like-floating sort of way. Not all the time, and not as much as I have felt before, but the recognition acknowledges it, and it is what it is.
And this time I am happy because I made myself happy.
There! What an admission, to be sure. :)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

a matter of mind

Today I have consumed the following:
A cup of tea and six biscuits
Four idlis
A cup of tea and four biscuits
Two glasses of water
Four pieces of bakharwadi
One carton of Frooti
Two elakki bananas
A cup of coffee
A glass of water


I had other thoughts in my head but the hunger is driving them away so I will return anon thank you.