pouring

It never rains, etc.

In this one year I have
1. Lost a wallet, a pencil-case, a phone (my phone! my god! *sob*) and my mind
2. Shelled out Rs. 16000 to pay for damages to a car I ran into after two point five years of flawless and only-mildly-cursed-at driving
3. Spent every last paisa I earned at a job I waver between finding moderately interesting and hating with a passion
4. Spent hours and money at hospitals all over the place to no benefit, nearly. yay.

*sigh*

On the other hand, I said, "Will you go out with me?" and he said "Sure! When and where?"
He would have given me until January, apparently. :)
woo. hort.

a domestic mind

I have begun neglecting the T - not in an I don't have time for you now why don't you go play there's a good child sort of way but rather in blanks and absences - the way one is supposed to let go of imaginary friends. I am forgetting what I used to think she was.
I suppose this is good in a small twisted way, because most of the things she thought and felt I find I let myself feel without proxy.

I am I.
It is a new way for me to be: to be me.
Me to be me.

I think perhaps I have always been myself, only - selectively and in bits and pieces; and that is not bad, not bad precisely, just less than healthy. To split myself up into seven blogs speaks not so much of a desire for order and control (which it is, you know, mostly it is. the question is not "why do i categorize", but "how do i choose to categorize", and the answer to that tells much) as of a need to feel all I feel in parts; in manageable doses.
(worlds collide. i know half a dozen people i love who will know what that means. isn't a sally shared a splendid thing?)

I am happy again. Happy in that painful-feeling-in-the-chest feeling-like-floating sort of way. Not all the time, and not as much as I have felt before, but the recognition acknowledges it, and it is what it is.
And this time I am happy because I made myself happy.
There! What an admission, to be sure. :)

a matter of mind

Today I have consumed the following:
A cup of tea and six biscuits
Four idlis
A cup of tea and four biscuits
Two glasses of water
Four pieces of bakharwadi
One carton of Frooti
Two elakki bananas
A cup of coffee
A glass of water

...

I had other thoughts in my head but the hunger is driving them away so I will return anon thank you.